The Box in the Corner
In a life full of time, time spent, time lost, and time desired I quickly rushed down to the room that has been designated as mom’s room. The room’s walls are pink, the dressers are a Hershey brown with pink decorations, the desk is full of pictures and the ledge around the room is littered with candles and pretty girlie things. Once I get there, I have suddenly forgotten what I came down to get. It was important right? Because whatever was the hurried rush to come down here was of the utmost importance (of course it is because I thinks so… right?) I’ll explain the sounds of second guessing - lately feelings of pressure and at times anxiousness have been steadily creeping in to my daily process. The desire to feel that I am accomplishing things and contributing in a positive manner to the life around me is, well for lack of better explanation, I push myself to the point of inward frustration and the feelings of “will it all be okay and will it ever really feel like I have done something right?” Now don’t go jumping to conclusions, I am a very blessed person in this moment and a very happy one – but all the same, I am a 30something mom and wife who will always do the very best that I can.
So back to the actual direction of what my ten minutes today is all about, arriving in my private room away from the noise and the dishes, the laundry, and pets I stand there in the middle of my room, I come across a pile of things that say to me “I am here”… (okay so my initial reaction was, oh great I have officially started losing your mind but I am curious… curious with an usual feeling of innocence) Moving toward the pile of “things” I have suddenly have a feeling of procrastination, the “I’ll get to that and the rest of the piles another day” or “I will set aside time tomorrow or maybe one night this next week I will try and steal an hour away from the demands of motherhood and go thru the pile of things”.
I decide to go back to the “now” and retrieve whatever it was I had to remember that brought me down to my special mom’s room. As I turn to leave my little room that holds my beloved journals, my books, my pictures, memories, clothes, and every purse-bag-and satchel I have ever owned I hear something… not actually out loud, but more of like a strong feeling – there it is again… “I am here”… I pause for a moment and wonder: “Did I just really ‘hear’ something, no – there is no time, I have to go and get other “things” done!” And then there once again… “I am here…”
Turning around I decide to be curious and look at what is in the pile of things. There is the infamous items that need hung up, old bank statements that need filed, empty picture frames that I was going to “accessorize” and hang up, and there underneath it all is a box. It is one of those plastic crates that you cans see through the sides. Hidden behind the dust and dirt from the corner of the room in the basement the side’s show a vague reminder of a time for remember when.
Sitting down on the floor I open the box and I find initially the following: a journal from ten years ago, pictures of my childhood, pictures of when I was dating my husband, hospital bracelets from both of my boys being born, a watch that belonged to my Gramma followed by one that belonged to my Poppi. Pictures of Poppi and Gramma, pictures of my parents wedding, papers that showed that same union over, pictures and cards from my mom that show the little touches of love and hope she has given to me over the years, cards made by my children, an old ID badge that showed a picture of a girl with “Waldo” glasses, and more…
I continue to take more items out of the box, forgetting about all the other daily things that I should be attending to – again… my so important “daily to do list”. As each item is taken out I become more and more enamored with the past and the history of me. There are drawings from when I went through my “I will be an artist” phase, a notebook from the “I think I want to be a criminologist” days, my student Bible from college which now looking at it was heavily used and much internal growth occurred from, a self-help book on being a strong woman in the work place, a baby spoon, a medal which I won – my highest place – 2nd from when I raced skiing downhill. Copies of pictures from my wedding day followed by my reception day, there are pictures of old friends with whom I looked incredibly close to and know that though it has been so many years since I have spent time with them – it would be just like yesterday if I saw them now. Continuing through the box in the corner I take out my college ID, transcripts, a book with my first published writing, a book that held my name in for the Who’s who among High school students, and then I see my “to-do” list for 1999 (which I made after I departed from what would have been the biggest mistake of my life)… that to-do list hit the ball out of the park. It was my dream list. I then find another list from the early 90’s, which hit another grand slam internally for me.
Amazed and overwhelmed the stresses and demands that I felt just an hour prior are gone, forgotten. Suddenly there is a feeling like a blanket surrounding me that was comforting and empowering. Like a journey back in time… as if the box in the corner spoke and said “I am here”… with the “I” being me.
Call me crazy and think what you want I believe that the me from my own past was making sure that my current self knew everything was going to be okay, that I have come so far, that, in spite of my moments of doubt, I have succeeded at so many things and so many dreams I once thought were so far off have actually come true and that the time to make new dreams and a new to-do list are now. I just needed to be reminded. No girlfriend discussion needed to sort it all out. No anything. Just me helping me. I wonder if I am the only one out there who has a box in the corner who speaks to them and gets them moving with even more optimism and endurance than they had an hour ago.
I carefully put the items back in the box, keeping out a single photo of when I was a young girl – maybe 6 or 7. The girl in the picture looks happy, genuinely happy and hopeful. Turning to leave the room I notice two photos sitting on my desk. These are from current times and I see the same little girl in them – only the same thing visibly same is the glimmer in the girl’s eyes. I am looking at a picture of myself – one with my boys and the other photo is of me and my amazing husband. That glimmer in the eye, those 3 dreams showing how real and true my to-do list became (even if I had stored the to-do list away)…
Walking out of the room, I turn and look back at the box in the corner and quietly say to myself “Thank you, I will be back soon”
Find your own box in the corner – it helps give you the motivation within yourself to make the best of your day, your life, and your future.
Have a great weekend everyone!
DevinAnne ©
So back to the actual direction of what my ten minutes today is all about, arriving in my private room away from the noise and the dishes, the laundry, and pets I stand there in the middle of my room, I come across a pile of things that say to me “I am here”… (okay so my initial reaction was, oh great I have officially started losing your mind but I am curious… curious with an usual feeling of innocence) Moving toward the pile of “things” I have suddenly have a feeling of procrastination, the “I’ll get to that and the rest of the piles another day” or “I will set aside time tomorrow or maybe one night this next week I will try and steal an hour away from the demands of motherhood and go thru the pile of things”.
I decide to go back to the “now” and retrieve whatever it was I had to remember that brought me down to my special mom’s room. As I turn to leave my little room that holds my beloved journals, my books, my pictures, memories, clothes, and every purse-bag-and satchel I have ever owned I hear something… not actually out loud, but more of like a strong feeling – there it is again… “I am here”… I pause for a moment and wonder: “Did I just really ‘hear’ something, no – there is no time, I have to go and get other “things” done!” And then there once again… “I am here…”
Turning around I decide to be curious and look at what is in the pile of things. There is the infamous items that need hung up, old bank statements that need filed, empty picture frames that I was going to “accessorize” and hang up, and there underneath it all is a box. It is one of those plastic crates that you cans see through the sides. Hidden behind the dust and dirt from the corner of the room in the basement the side’s show a vague reminder of a time for remember when.
Sitting down on the floor I open the box and I find initially the following: a journal from ten years ago, pictures of my childhood, pictures of when I was dating my husband, hospital bracelets from both of my boys being born, a watch that belonged to my Gramma followed by one that belonged to my Poppi. Pictures of Poppi and Gramma, pictures of my parents wedding, papers that showed that same union over, pictures and cards from my mom that show the little touches of love and hope she has given to me over the years, cards made by my children, an old ID badge that showed a picture of a girl with “Waldo” glasses, and more…
I continue to take more items out of the box, forgetting about all the other daily things that I should be attending to – again… my so important “daily to do list”. As each item is taken out I become more and more enamored with the past and the history of me. There are drawings from when I went through my “I will be an artist” phase, a notebook from the “I think I want to be a criminologist” days, my student Bible from college which now looking at it was heavily used and much internal growth occurred from, a self-help book on being a strong woman in the work place, a baby spoon, a medal which I won – my highest place – 2nd from when I raced skiing downhill. Copies of pictures from my wedding day followed by my reception day, there are pictures of old friends with whom I looked incredibly close to and know that though it has been so many years since I have spent time with them – it would be just like yesterday if I saw them now. Continuing through the box in the corner I take out my college ID, transcripts, a book with my first published writing, a book that held my name in for the Who’s who among High school students, and then I see my “to-do” list for 1999 (which I made after I departed from what would have been the biggest mistake of my life)… that to-do list hit the ball out of the park. It was my dream list. I then find another list from the early 90’s, which hit another grand slam internally for me.
Amazed and overwhelmed the stresses and demands that I felt just an hour prior are gone, forgotten. Suddenly there is a feeling like a blanket surrounding me that was comforting and empowering. Like a journey back in time… as if the box in the corner spoke and said “I am here”… with the “I” being me.
Call me crazy and think what you want I believe that the me from my own past was making sure that my current self knew everything was going to be okay, that I have come so far, that, in spite of my moments of doubt, I have succeeded at so many things and so many dreams I once thought were so far off have actually come true and that the time to make new dreams and a new to-do list are now. I just needed to be reminded. No girlfriend discussion needed to sort it all out. No anything. Just me helping me. I wonder if I am the only one out there who has a box in the corner who speaks to them and gets them moving with even more optimism and endurance than they had an hour ago.
I carefully put the items back in the box, keeping out a single photo of when I was a young girl – maybe 6 or 7. The girl in the picture looks happy, genuinely happy and hopeful. Turning to leave the room I notice two photos sitting on my desk. These are from current times and I see the same little girl in them – only the same thing visibly same is the glimmer in the girl’s eyes. I am looking at a picture of myself – one with my boys and the other photo is of me and my amazing husband. That glimmer in the eye, those 3 dreams showing how real and true my to-do list became (even if I had stored the to-do list away)…
Walking out of the room, I turn and look back at the box in the corner and quietly say to myself “Thank you, I will be back soon”
Find your own box in the corner – it helps give you the motivation within yourself to make the best of your day, your life, and your future.
Have a great weekend everyone!
DevinAnne ©
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