This whole new experience of balance is like the 1970 version of the teeter totter.
You remember.
The kind that was fantastic as long as you were paying attention.
When you weren't paying attention it became a splinter giving, neck cracking, jolt of lightning to you or whomever was on the receiving end... funny how things in every day life take on that feel.
The developing view of this nearly 40-something (shh, tell anyone and I will know) is that I am at a place unfamiliar, being brutally honest, feeling a bit like a failure, sort of...well I made it this far and what did I get done, what am I proud of, what did I contribute, what did I achieve, am I a better version of me, am I proud of where I am, who I have become...yep...you can keep coming up with more philosophical phrases and the only thing that is for sure, is that you will start to get depressed, just like I had been... so...
About 2 months ago I became conscience of this entire "aura of goodness surrounding me" (if you have caught onto the sarcasm yet, "get there quicker" in the words of Chandler Bing to Joey upon discovering Richard's video with Monica's name on it.)
The bottom line is, I decided to grow up, for me.
Don't get all worried, I actually figured out I needed to find me, the fun loving, easy going, relaxed, confident, strong willed, and focused on being a better version of me every day (yes that is part of who I am, not just a figment of my imagination)... not just surviving and become old and boring.
Ahh, you can relate to that word "surviving" right? I had come to the conclusion that "Surviving" official definition goes something like this: Which bill do I pay, which interview will turn out, is there enough gas in the car, when will the lights get brighter, what school activity do the kids have today, which household machine broke down, why is water coming from under the washer, does the closet door track come from a secret world, why do dogs drinks out of toilet and then dribble everywhere, and after all is said and done...I have 15 loads of laundry folded, my boys room and my hubby's clothes cleaned and put away... I was then exhausted from spending my time off cleaning for 9 hours. So my clothes, my office, my items are left in a neat pile that somehow I have convinced my internal teeter-totter that I will in fact get it all put away later when I sit down to do my nails and give myself a facial.Hehe...that's funny. Like I ever get to that....so.
No more I decided a couple of months ago. It has not been easy to start this "little" journey.
Here is what I know and what I have done.
I have started the process of going back to college, twenty years later (which is a huge high for me)
I bought a new pair of walking shoes (but need to be more consistent)
I curl my hair daily (stop laughing or staring at the screen oddly...you either get it or you don't)
I have begun to view things with a grateful approach instead of survival approach ---all the things we "survive" daily, all that energy and emotion put into the things that "are wrong" that we have to "get past" or "over"...there is a whole lot of things standing next to us throughout the process... gratefulness...I think it is "the key" to everything. Without a doubt.
So, that is my soap box of internal greatness for the day.
Next post is kid related, little boys and their crushes and how moms and dads look at things in a way that reminds us we are truly becoming our parents. Without a doubt.
DevinAnne (c)
The question today is what makes a person unique? Is it there heart, soul, dream, determination, where they see themselves now or what they are doing to get to be the better version of themselves?
You remember.
The kind that was fantastic as long as you were paying attention.
When you weren't paying attention it became a splinter giving, neck cracking, jolt of lightning to you or whomever was on the receiving end... funny how things in every day life take on that feel.
The developing view of this nearly 40-something (shh, tell anyone and I will know) is that I am at a place unfamiliar, being brutally honest, feeling a bit like a failure, sort of...well I made it this far and what did I get done, what am I proud of, what did I contribute, what did I achieve, am I a better version of me, am I proud of where I am, who I have become...yep...you can keep coming up with more philosophical phrases and the only thing that is for sure, is that you will start to get depressed, just like I had been... so...
About 2 months ago I became conscience of this entire "aura of goodness surrounding me" (if you have caught onto the sarcasm yet, "get there quicker" in the words of Chandler Bing to Joey upon discovering Richard's video with Monica's name on it.)
The bottom line is, I decided to grow up, for me.
Don't get all worried, I actually figured out I needed to find me, the fun loving, easy going, relaxed, confident, strong willed, and focused on being a better version of me every day (yes that is part of who I am, not just a figment of my imagination)... not just surviving and become old and boring.
Ahh, you can relate to that word "surviving" right? I had come to the conclusion that "Surviving" official definition goes something like this: Which bill do I pay, which interview will turn out, is there enough gas in the car, when will the lights get brighter, what school activity do the kids have today, which household machine broke down, why is water coming from under the washer, does the closet door track come from a secret world, why do dogs drinks out of toilet and then dribble everywhere, and after all is said and done...I have 15 loads of laundry folded, my boys room and my hubby's clothes cleaned and put away... I was then exhausted from spending my time off cleaning for 9 hours. So my clothes, my office, my items are left in a neat pile that somehow I have convinced my internal teeter-totter that I will in fact get it all put away later when I sit down to do my nails and give myself a facial.Hehe...that's funny. Like I ever get to that....so.
No more I decided a couple of months ago. It has not been easy to start this "little" journey.
Here is what I know and what I have done.
I have started the process of going back to college, twenty years later (which is a huge high for me)
I bought a new pair of walking shoes (but need to be more consistent)
I curl my hair daily (stop laughing or staring at the screen oddly...you either get it or you don't)
I have begun to view things with a grateful approach instead of survival approach ---all the things we "survive" daily, all that energy and emotion put into the things that "are wrong" that we have to "get past" or "over"...there is a whole lot of things standing next to us throughout the process... gratefulness...I think it is "the key" to everything. Without a doubt.
So, that is my soap box of internal greatness for the day.
Next post is kid related, little boys and their crushes and how moms and dads look at things in a way that reminds us we are truly becoming our parents. Without a doubt.
DevinAnne (c)
The question today is what makes a person unique? Is it there heart, soul, dream, determination, where they see themselves now or what they are doing to get to be the better version of themselves?
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